Posted by Frazier
If your team was a drug, what drug would they be?
Now, we're not condoning use of any of these substances. We're just curious which teams would align with which drugs. So find a nice, relaxed spot, turn on SpongeBob, get some Dorito's, and enjoy the ride.
Frazier - The Cal Bears. No drive, no ambition, just nothing going on in Berkeley, which is probably a good place to try to score some. Especially since the Bears have given up on scoring ON the field.
Walter - Notre Dame. Like marijuana the Irish aren't really one of the big boys of college football, but despite all thats wrong with them they still have legions of undyingly loyal followers.
Frazier - Notre Dame. A huge rush at the beginning, a massive price tag, and then you crash. Sounds a lot like the Charlie Weiss tenure, doesn't it?
Walter - Oregon Ducks. Like cocaine the Ducks offense is plenty expensive (have you seen the salaries for Mike Bellotti and Chip Kelly?), quick hitting (Jonathan Stewart anyone), and at times White Collar (Dennis Dixon runs that offense with the ruthless efficiency of a Wall Street businessman).
Frazier - Texas A&M. It's like a cheap Notre Dame. Coach Fran is an unmitigated disaster, but those stoners seem addicted to his shit. Just scrape the money together and can his ass.
Walter - Hawaii. Basically crack is cheaper, more urban cocaine. While nobody is going to confuse Honolulu with Gotham City, the Rainbow Warriors, like the Ducks, rely on a high octane offense.....only with worse players.
Frazier - Kansas. Wow, I must be tripping, because I thought I saw the Jayhawks undefeated in mid-November and ranked in the top 5.
Walter - Tennessee. LSD was huge in the 60's and 70's, kind of forgotten with the coke craze of the 80's, roared back in the late 90's, and then took a back seat to Oxycontin and other prescription drugs in the 2000's. Just like the Vols, to say LSD is inconsistent is an understatement.
Frazier - Oregon. The earthy-crunchy residents of the Pacific Northwest are enjoying THIS trip a lot. They're even having visions, especially of a trip to the BCS title game.
Walter - West Virginia. The Mountaineers have a coach who is "home grown," and with skill guys like White, Slaton and Devine running that spread offense predicated on misdirection, watching them you can't be sure if they've actually got 15 guys on offense, or if you're just tripping balls.
wonder just how much these shrooms look
like a Rich Rodriguez option play.
Frazier - USC. The lethargy these guys have shown is downright disturbing. Absolutely no pride in protecting their PAC-10 crown. Their lids are half-closed, and they don't seem to care about anything right now.
Walter - Alabama. Like heroine in the world of drugs, the Crimson Tide can rightfully stake a claim as the king of college football. Although expectations are always higher than the end result, both heroine and Alabama addicts will pay just about anything to enjoy the product.
Frazier - Arkansas. This team was supposed to relieve our pain of the same-old SEC contenders. And I seem to be addicted to them. But in the end, all I feel is a sense of loss. A sense these guys are all too familiar with.
Walter - South Florida. 15 years ago South Florida didn't have a football team and nobody had the slightest clue what O.C. stood for. 10 years ago South Florida got a football team and everybody knew O.C. stood for Orange County. In 2007, South Florida is on top of the football world and O.C. stands for the newest, most popular drug on the market. Coincidence?......Yeah probably.
Frazier - UConn. Everything was going so great for the Huskies. They were making all the right moves, dancing up a storm, and looking smooth out there. Then the Bearcats shone the light of day on them, and suddenly the rave was over.
Walter - Boston College. Everyone in Chestnut Hill was so jacked up for that Florida State game. So pumped and jacked, and jacked and pumped. #2 in the nation, ready to smack down those punks from Tallahassee, and then.....well you know what happened then. And believe you me, the morning after was just AWFUL.