Tuesday Question - High School Style
Posted by Frazier
We're here today to answer the age old question: If college football were more like a high school yearbook, what would the superlatives page look like (don't pretend like you don't know what we're talking about, we all went to high school)?
Cutest Couple
Darren McFadden and Felix Jones: These guys are adorable when they find themselves against 12-man fronts. I bet anything they call eachother every night and talk about how it will all be better once they hit the show. -Frazier
Pat White and Steve Slaton: Just like that couple who seemed like they were together forever in high school, White and Slaton have just about grown up in each other's arms (eww). It's gonna be a teary goodbye when Slaton leaves White behind for the NFL. - Walter
Most Likely to Wind Up a Serial Killer
Paul Smith (Tulsa QB): Paul is just a little too perfect. Good quarterback, respected leader, devout christian. But he also has a little "Children of the Corn" about him. Ever see "American Psycho"? Yeah, so has Paul, about a million times.... - Frazier
Mike Hart: Don't they say that's it's always the quiet ones? My bet is that after an 85 carry day Hart snaps and breaks coach Lloyd Carr's neck for trying to ruin his career. The thirst for blood overwhelms the reserved Hart and the next thing you know he's got a human skin cape hanging in his closet. - Walter
Most Likely to Succeed
Brian Brohm: Reminiscent of Peyton Manning: his football pedigree, high football IQ, playing very pro-style in college, and he has received a ton of hype, but has disappointed. So maybe you'd don't love him now, but maybe there are some hilarious ads in his future. - Frazier
Jake Long: This mountain of a man plays one of the most coveted positions in the game, is coming from a program renowned for sending offensive lineman to the pros, and is nastier than an ex-wife on payday. - Walter
Most Likely to Become Homeless
Bill Callahan: Tom Osborne is back at Nebraska. He will not put up with some asshole from the NFL tarnishing the Husker name. - Frazier
Charlie Weis: I don't care that he just got a FAT new contract. It's just an empty promise full of ROUND numbers. I guess what I'm trying to say is that something tells me he won't starve to death on the streets. - Walter
Biggest Class Clown
Pete Carroll: Pete's known for being a big party guy. Treating his players with visits from celebrities, and being a real joker. It's just such a shame that he doesn't buckle down and concentrate. - Frazier
Dave Wannstedt: Dude that time when he went for the touchdown in double overtime against Navy was hilarious. Seriously I was on the floor rolling.....wait, what? He was serious? - Walter
Biggest Flirt
Les Miles: He's already given boners to half the Michigan boosters out there. His cute little comments aren't fooling anyone. Les is playing these two fan-bases trying to see who's going to give up their varsity pin first. - Frazier
Nick Saban: The next time there's a major college coaching opening and Saban's name isn't mentioned will be the first time. Saban is the definition of a cock tease, mostly because he's so damn good at what he does...and we all know he puts out. - Walter
Most Likely to Become President
Ian Johnson: He's got the charisma, the cheerleader wife, the winning smile, and the sense of the moment. Also, he knits. The man is a quintuple-threat. - Frazier
Steve Spurrier: Mostly because he's just smarter than you are. But also because him spiking a specially made presidential visor after finding out that North Korea's got the bomb is something that just HAS to happen. - Walter
Most School Spirit
Jim Leavitt: Jim built that program single-handedly. He could have left a million times for an easier job, or a more famous program. He even sacrificed expanding his facilities to help the athletic department as a whole. Jim loves the Bulls, and they return the favor. - Frazier
Tom Osborne: Forget for a moment that the man is Nebraska football. Osborne would do anything that school asked of him, including stepping in as interim AD today repleat with a huge cut in pay. Tomorrow, Osborne will be subbing for Professor Kryztplatsov and lecturing on Eastern Russian Literature. - Walter
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