Tuesday Question - High School Style  

Posted by Frazier

We're here today to answer the age old question: If college football were more like a high school yearbook, what would the superlatives page look like (don't pretend like you don't know what we're talking about, we all went to high school)?

Cutest Couple

Darren McFadden and Felix Jones: These guys are adorable when they find themselves against 12-man fronts. I bet anything they call eachother every night and talk about how it will all be better once they hit the show. -Frazier

Pat White and Steve Slaton: Just like that couple who seemed like they were together forever in high school, White and Slaton have just about grown up in each other's arms (eww). It's gonna be a teary goodbye when Slaton leaves White behind for the NFL. - Walter

Most Likely to Wind Up a Serial Killer

Paul Smith (Tulsa QB): Paul is just a little too perfect. Good quarterback, respected leader, devout christian. But he also has a little "Children of the Corn" about him. Ever see "American Psycho"? Yeah, so has Paul, about a million times.... - Frazier

Mike Hart: Don't they say that's it's always the quiet ones? My bet is that after an 85 carry day Hart snaps and breaks coach Lloyd Carr's neck for trying to ruin his career. The thirst for blood overwhelms the reserved Hart and the next thing you know he's got a human skin cape hanging in his closet. - Walter

Most Likely to Succeed

Brian Brohm: Reminiscent of Peyton Manning: his football pedigree, high football IQ, playing very pro-style in college, and he has received a ton of hype, but has disappointed. So maybe you'd don't love him now, but maybe there are some hilarious ads in his future. - Frazier

Jake Long: This mountain of a man plays one of the most coveted positions in the game, is coming from a program renowned for sending offensive lineman to the pros, and is nastier than an ex-wife on payday. - Walter


Most Likely to Become Homeless

Bill Callahan: Tom Osborne is back at Nebraska. He will not put up with some asshole from the NFL tarnishing the Husker name. - Frazier

Charlie Weis: I don't care that he just got a FAT new contract. It's just an empty promise full of ROUND numbers. I guess what I'm trying to say is that something tells me he won't starve to death on the streets. - Walter



Biggest Class Clown

Pete Carroll: Pete's known for being a big party guy. Treating his players with visits from celebrities, and being a real joker. It's just such a shame that he doesn't buckle down and concentrate. - Frazier

Dave Wannstedt: Dude that time when he went for the touchdown in double overtime against Navy was hilarious. Seriously I was on the floor rolling.....wait, what? He was serious? - Walter

Biggest Flirt

Les Miles: He's already given boners to half the Michigan boosters out there. His cute little comments aren't fooling anyone. Les is playing these two fan-bases trying to see who's going to give up their varsity pin first. - Frazier

Nick Saban: The next time there's a major college coaching opening and Saban's name isn't mentioned will be the first time. Saban is the definition of a cock tease, mostly because he's so damn good at what he does...and we all know he puts out. - Walter

Most Likely to Become President

Ian Johnson: He's got the charisma, the cheerleader wife, the winning smile, and the sense of the moment. Also, he knits. The man is a quintuple-threat. - Frazier

Steve Spurrier: Mostly because he's just smarter than you are. But also because him spiking a specially made presidential visor after finding out that North Korea's got the bomb is something that just HAS to happen. - Walter

Most School Spirit

Jim Leavitt: Jim built that program single-handedly. He could have left a million times for an easier job, or a more famous program. He even sacrificed expanding his facilities to help the athletic department as a whole. Jim loves the Bulls, and they return the favor. - Frazier

Tom Osborne: Forget for a moment that the man is Nebraska football. Osborne would do anything that school asked of him, including stepping in as interim AD today repleat with a huge cut in pay. Tomorrow, Osborne will be subbing for Professor Kryztplatsov and lecturing on Eastern Russian Literature. - Walter

4 comments

Yo dip shit. I'm sure you're a white kid who thinks all black people look alike but that is a pic of Pat White and Steve Slaton. Before you try to be funny get your ish staight chump.

Frazier   says 7:18 PM

Um, we may be two white kids, but we generally think that in fact, Steve Slaton and Pat White look an awful lot like Steve Slaton and Pat White.

As you'd notice, if you bothered to you know, read, is that one of our nominees for the "cutest couple" was in fact the dynamic duo from Morgantown.

So yeah, maybe you want to make sure you're not a complete fool of yourself before you call anyone dip shit, and imply that we're ignorant.

Yeah, we're funny AND we have our "ish" straight. Just to be clear.

Yeah I know I read it. I was bored and you guys had no comments so I figured I would fling ignorant accusations to give you guys a rise. Now good did it feel to just vent like you did.

Now, I don't know if Aki was really just messing with us, or if he (or possibly she?) is just covering his ass.

Still, it did feel good to vent. So thanks for the opportunity.

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