Posted by Walter
5 guys I’d love to watch a game with…….
5) Steve Logan, OC Boston College
We all know that Logan is an evil genius when it comes to the passing game, but by all accounts he’s just a fascinating guy. The man who helped put East Carolina on the college football map even has his epitaph already written: “He scored 62 and lost.” Now that is commitment to a bit.
4) Keith Jackson, legendary announcer
Woah Nellie! Jackson’s home-spun Southern style is so evocative that it wouldn’t even matter what we were watching. We could watch the WNBA or wet paint drying…..heck, I’d even watch a soccer match if Jackson was commenting on it (maybe not that last one).
3) Mike Price, HC UTEP
Only because he’d bring some fine ladies with him………
2) Dennis Erickson, HC Arizona State
Yes Frazier he might bring some of the shadiest characters in the world with him, but that’s a small price to pay for three plus hours of hearing about the time they mercilessly beat down Notre Dame….in fact I think the refs just threw another personal foul flag against the Beavers.
1) Steve Spurrier, HC South Carolina
Like Johnny Cash before him, the Ol’ Ball Coach is a baaaad man, but you just can’t resist…..I mean the man won consistently at DUKE for goodness’ sake. Plus, even if he wasn’t in a talkative mood, I could just antagonize him until he spiked his visor. How cool would THAT be!
and 5 guys I wouldn’t……..
5) P.J. Hill, RB Wisconsin
Not sure there’d be any snacks left for me if I let this fat fuck over my house. Seriously P.J. put down the fork, and step away from the porterhouse. Just because you go to Wisconsin doesn’t mean you need to eat yourself into being Ron Dayne.
4) John L. Smith, former HC Michigan State
At first I thought I’d enjoy having John L. around. You know, watching him bungle everything in sight, and quietly talking shit behind his back. But then I realized, when it’s that easy, I’d just end up feeling bad about myself.
3) Tom Zbikowski, S Notre Dame
If I had to take my best guess at which player in America would do something idiotic in a steroid-esque rage, the smart money is on Zbikowski. And I’m talking really idiotic, like taking on 10 dudes. He’d be in one corner kicking the crap out of 8 of them, and I’d be in the other getting beaten to death by the other 2. Although it would have been nice to have him with us the other night when that lunatic at the Joshua Tree was trying to fight everyone in the bar. Seriously, Tom might have killed him.
2) Steve Slaton and Pat White, RB-QB West Virginia
They’d be great to have around for the first two quarters of a big game, but once crunch time hits they’d both probably come up lame with some pussy injury. Seriously, if we needed these guys to run and get a pizza before the 2nd half starts they’d probably complain that their foot was asleep.
1) Phil Fulmer, HC Tennessee
Ugh, I cannot even imagine a more boring guy in football. Seriously, we could be watching Texas and USC in the Rose Bowl and Phil would somehow find a way to put me to sleep. At least I could take some enjoyment out of the fact that he looks like presidential hopeful Fred Thompson…..but then again I wouldn’t exactly want to be watching a game with him either.