Posted by Walter
So if someone was gonna make a movie about your life, what would it be called? Who'd play the lead? More importantly, who cares?!! Exactly, while we've all thought about it, frankly nobody gives a shit about your worthless life. College football players/coaches on the other hand......now that's something I gotta see.
1) Anthony Morrelli, QB Penn State
Movie title that sounds just a little too autobiographical: "The Good the Bad and the Ugly"
Actor who'd be perfect playing him: Paul Walker
I certainly don't have to remind Penn State fans that Morigami is the classic tease. He tantalizes you with hig big arm and gorgeous deep ball (the good), but can never seem to reach his potential (the bad), and he always folds up in the big game (the ugly). Frankly, it's too bad for Walker that "The Anthony Morrelli Story" won't ever get made because he's probably the only person on the planet with little enough acting talent to absolutel nail the patented Morrelli deer in the headlights look as he watches his fourth pick of the day sail into the arms of an Ohio State defensive back.
2) The Entire Louisville Secondary
Movie title that sounds just a little too autobiographical: "Gone in 60 Seconds"
Actor who'd be perfect playing the parts: Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Ice Cube, and Steve Harvey
One of these days people will wake up and realize just how bad the Cardinals secondary has been this year. I mean we are talking historically bad. I've been watching football for a long time and I have never, I mean NEVER, seen a team give up so many big plays in the passing game. I'm not sure what's a bigger exhibition of idiocy: Steve Krathorpe continuing to put the same four starters in the defensive backfield, or producers hiring any of these morons (let alone a combination thereof) to make a movie. Frankly, thinking about that is making my head hurt.
3) Casey Dick, QB Arkansas
Movie title that sounds just a little too autobiographical: "Very Bad Things"
Actor who'd be perfect playing the parts: David SpadeSimple put Dick is Spade to Darren McFadden's Chris Farley. Just like Spade, Dick had a nice run last year generally riding the coattails of his much more talented companion, but when he's asked to make any plays on his own (which he's had to do in 2007 thanks to some nagging injuries to McFadden) they come out about as poorly as Spade solo projects like "Lost and Found", "Joe Dirt" and "Dickie Roberts" (and yes I did have to look those up on IMDB.com). Still, a Casy Dick led 2 minute drill isn't quite as bad as burying a dead hooker in the desert after your buddy's bachelor party....right?.....right?.....ah whatever.
4) The Notre Dame Offensive Line
Movie title that sounds just a little too autobiographical: "The Dead Zone"
Actor who'd be perfect playing the parts: The Baldwin BrothersBefore you jump all over me, yes I do understand that Alec is a comedic genius. But I contend to you, that just as Alec is the lone supremely talented Baldwin, Sam Young (6'8'' 310) is the lone supremely talented member of the Irish Offensive Line. Once that is understood, the rest falls into place. Stephen, Daniel, and Billy simply aren't good at anything. They've tried comedy, drama, horror, and none of it has worked. Similarly, the Irish OL can't pass protect, the certainly can't run the ball, and they pick up holdin penalties like its going out of style. Needless to say I'd fear for my life if I had to take a 5 step drop with these guys blocking.
5) Mike Hart, RB Michigan
Movie title that sounds just a little too autobiographical: "The Last Boyscout"
Actor who'd be perfect playing the parts: Mos DefMike Hart is amazing. He's a great player, he's well respected, he's SQUEAKY clean, yet he's still as cool as the other side of the pillow. Growing up Hart was probably the guy who did community service by day, and partied by night. Just as likely to walk an old lady across the street, as he is to pick up a 3rd and 3. Like his footballing counterpart, Mos Def pulls off the enviable trifecta of being talented, supremely cool and a good citizen. Although I'm not sure Mike Hart has the versatility to star on Chappelle's Show.....but then again Mos Def probably couldn't pick up Dan Connor on a blitz up the gut.