Posted by Frazier
Here is part one of our running diary from the NFL draft. Yes, we blatantly ripped off the concept from the Sport's Guy, but we thought it would be fun. It was, for about four hours, but the first round is a lot longer than we counted on. Walter did all the recording, so feel free to blame him for everything. Anyways, here is the first part, when we were excited and optimistic. And sober.
Here we are live from the323 bunker, a.k.a. Walter’s
The Oakland Raiders are on the clock……
ESPN just showed a graphic indicating that Andrew Walter and Josh Booty are the current Raider quarterbacks…..what no Lane Kiffin? Like he couldn’t outplay that uninspiring duo. This pick would be a lot easier if the Raiders hadn’t choked last year and simply taken Matt Leinart. Leinart to Calvin Johnson, sounds good to me.
We’re told that Al Davis isn’t telling anyone his decision, even as the clock winds down.
Frazier: “I don’t think
Keyshawn Johnson on Calvin Johnson: “I see a cross between Randy Moss and myself.” Thanks for coming out Keyshawn.
Raiders select Jarmarcus Russell, QB LSU
Frazier: “Russell has like six women at his table, and I cannot even begin to discern who is who. Does he have six sisters? Six girlfriends? Three of each?!” The NFL draft it’s fantastic!
Overall a solid pick by the Raiders. Russell is the only true franchise quarterback in the draft, and his arm strength will allow Al Davis to return to the vertical passing game he loves so much. Really, after passing, stupidly, on both Matt Leinart and Jay Cutler last year, this was the only pick the Raiders could make.
Frazier: “Usually you bring in a young QB and you have a veteran to tutor him. Who the HELL is gonna tutor Russell? Josh Booty?”
In his defense, Booty has experience being a bust in two sports.
Russell may be looking at a loooooong season.
The Detroit Lions are on the clock……
This really is like Christmas morning. The NFL Draft and a brand new Coors Light NFL head coach press conference commercial. Does life get any better?
Lions select Calvin Johnson, WR Georgia Tech
Frazier: “How does Matt Millen walk around with a pair of balls like that? Does he have a little cart for them? He is literally daring the Ford family to fire him.”
It’s the right pick, but the Detroit Lions have to be looking to trade Johnson after the fact, a la Eli Manning a couple of years ago.
But, of course, Matt Millen is prominently involved, so it’s not like we’re going to place money on it.
The Cleveland Browns are on the clock……
Biggest surprise of the day has to be the ESPN crew’s merciless bashing of former Georgia Tech QB Reggie Ball. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, but these guys are just piling on. Did Reggie swipe Mel’s hair gel or something?
Walter: “Is that Quinn’s girlfriend? Oh, that’s unfortunate……speaking of trading up.”
Frazier: “They’re the perfect couple; they’re both overrated.”
Thank you, thank you we’ll be here all week.
I know the Browns like Joe Thomas, but can they really afford to draft an offensive lineman when they spent the last two offseasons signing veterans to play on that unit. Moreover, they don’t have a quarterback or a running back to make any plays. What’s the point of dominating the line of scrimmage if the guys toting the rock can’t do anything? Bottom line, the offensive line has turned into a strength of this team, and it would be a colossal mistake to waste this pick.
Browns select Joe Thomas, OT Wisconsin
Walter: “And with the first pick in the 2008 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select Brian Brohm, QB out of
Terrible pick. Thomas is going to be a great player, by all accounts, but the Browns have way too many other needs. That said, the323 has felt that Brady Quinn was overrated all along, so we can’t kill them too much for passing on the Notre Dame signal caller, no matter how much they needed him.
Frazier: “This is not about drafting Quinn. It’s about drafting anyone other than Joe Thomas. Even if he is great he doesn’t do anything for them. Romeo Crennel might as well resign. Joe Thomas does not equal wins.”
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are on the clock……
Chris Mortensen: “Brady Quinn looks like a magazine model, a bodybuilder, and Jon [Gruden] was saying you could use another six pack here.”
Things just got a little uncomfortable. Scouts always sound a little homoerotic when describing players, but Mort seems like he’s about to oil Quinn up. Sadly, it’s still probably an upgrade for Brady.
Walter: “I’m cracking my first beer at 1.”
I think we all second that motion.
Bucs select Gaines Adams, DE Clemson
Hard to argue with this pick.
Frazier was unable to comment on that pick, as he was completely distracted by the afro-mullet in
The Arizona Cardinals are on the clock……
With Joe Thomas gone this is a tough spot for the Cardinals. The good news is that teams who lust for Brady Quinn need to move up ahead of
The ESPN crew is hyping the Cards attempt to reinvent the team as a smash mouth, running team. While this is a nice identity, you don’t win games in the NFL by reaching for anybody this high in the first round. It’s simply way too high to take Levi Brown at this position.
Cardinals select Levi Brown, OT Penn State
And we have our first activity of the day on the “Mamula-Meter,” as the needle just jumped up to a Yellow, or “elevated”, threat level.
Well, now you know why the Cardinals continue to be one of the worst franchises in all of sports. Levi Brown may turn out to be a great addition, and a necessary one, but there had to have been a number of teams looking to move up.
Frazier: “I can’t kill them for this pick, because it’s a definite need. But good teams don’t overreact to years of bad drafting, by reaching at the position they have ignored for so long.”
The Washington Redskins are on the clock……
How badly to the Dolphins want Brady Quinn?
Redskins select Laron Landry, S LSU
Landry is the best defensive player in the draft, but this pick is less than useless for the Redskins. For those of you who are counting, that’s two top six picks in the last four years the Redskins have spent on safeties. True both their run and pass defense were abysmal last season, but Landry does not address either of those deficiencies. Yes he is as sure a tackler in the draft, but safeties make tackles 5-10 yards down the field, not at the line of scrimmage. Moreoever, both Landry and Sean Taylor are strong safeties, neither of whom is equipped to match up in man to man coverage with a slot receiver or a fast tight end. I just don’t get it, especially when teams with extra picks like
The Redskins have one pick on the first day of this draft, and they spend it strengthening a position that is currently occupied by their only pro bowl caliber player. Yikes.
Walter: “On the bright side, the Redskins proved that my faith in them was well founded. Chock up a win for me on my 4th fearless prediction. With CJ going second overall, I am 2-2 in the early going.”
The Minnesota Vikings are on the clock……
I’ve got to believe there is a big time argument going on in Vikings headquarters right now. Ownership has to want Quinn, but you can be sure that head coach Brad Childress is not ready to give up on last year’s second round pick Tarvaris Jackson. If Quinn doesn’t go here, it could be a long day in the green room for him.
Vikings select Adrian Peterson, RB Oklahoma
Some insurance agent in
Interesting pick, that we can’t kill them too much for. That said, I’d be extremely concerned with Peterson’s durability and injury history. Frazier pointed out that it was a collarbone injury that submarined Charles Rogers’ career before it even got off the ground, and one has to worry that the same could happen to Peterson. Peterson is already a tall running back who runs very upright. This pick could be disastrous for them.
Walter: “And with that, Brady Quinn is all by his lonesome in the green room, sporting the Aaron Rodgers face we all know too well.”
Frazier makes a hilarious “Unbreakable” reference comparing Peterson to Sam Jackson’s character. Walter not only doesn’t get it, but refuses to put it in the running diary. Fascist.
The Atlanta Falcons are on the clock……
The Falcons have to be devastated right now. The three guys they wanted, Calvin Johnson, Levi Brown and Laron Landry, are all off the board. They did lose Patrick Kerney via free agency, but they cannot be happy simply replacing him with this high of a draft pick.
The ESPN crew is likening Quinn’s fall to that of Matt Leinart last year, and claiming that he could end up in a better situation because of it. Here’s betting he’d take the millions and play for his childhood team. Call us crazy.
Falcons select Jamal Anderson, DE Arkansas
No shock here.
The Miami Dolphins are on the clock……
Could the Dolphins have asked for a more fortuitous situation? I will be stunned, if they don’t jump on Brady Quinn here. The best part is that they can draft Quinn here, and still acquire Trent Green to hold down the position for a year while Brady learns the ropes.
Frazier: “Sometimes the best move a GM can make is no move at all.”
We’ve got to give Randy Mueller credit here. He didn’t panic and trade a first day pick for Trent Green, and he didn’t panic and trade up into the top 5 to get Quinn. Now he may be able to get both QB’s that he wants, without giving up a single first day pick.
The323: “Let’s be clear on one thing though. While we are surprised by Quinn’s free fall, by no means do we think it is unwarranted. His mechanics are spotty. His arm strength overrated. And his accuracy, especially when pressured, is not NFL caliber. Other than that he’s a can’t-miss prospect. Oh, and he acts like a 16 year old girl. Whatever.”
Walter: “With 3 and a half minutes to go, Brady Quinn has yet to hear from the Dolphins. My bet is that they’d on the phone trying to schedule one of the service academies for their home opener.”
Frazier in response to Mary May’s comment that the best thing for Quinn would be to learn from a veteran QB like Trent Green: “The best thing for Brady Quinn would be for him to be a better quarterback.”
Dolphins select Ted Ginn, WR Ohio State
Walter: “I guess Army didn’t have any open dates.”
Frazier: “They passed on the second most overrated player in the draft, for the most overrated. Who could have foreseen this?”
Walter: “I think the needle on the Mamula meter just broke off.”
Frazier: “Well to be fair, Ginn will help the Dolphins 4 x 100 relay team.”
Walter: “We may have to change the name to the Brady Quinn face.”
Um, not a whole lot to say about this pick. Suffice it to say as Patriots’ fans we could not be happier.
Frazier: “Wait they drafted a guy who only runs vertical routes? Who’s gonna throw him the ball?”
Walter: “Can Trent Green even reach him anymore?”
Frazier: “At least foot injuries aren’t chronic. I mean it worked out well for Bill Walton and Kevin McHale.”
Uh, every good thing we just said about Randy Mueller, yeah we’re gonna have to ask you to go ahead an ignore that.
Frazier: “If the Dolphins wanted a small, quick wide receiver, who excels in the return game, why the HELL did they trade away Wes Welker?”
So, well, we weren’t exactly enamored with the Dolphin’s pick at #9. Little did we know that everything was just going to get more hilarious from there.
Coming tomorrow, part two!